Some Updates

-  I have been terrible at blogging lately but I do have some good excuses...I'm pregnant, our house has been on the market, we actually got an offer this past weekend, Brian has been working a lot, I'm pregnant, I never know where my cord is for my camera, I lost my phone for a while with most of my pics, I have 2 small children and I'm pregnant!

- YAY!  We accepted an offer on our house this past weekend!  So, now we wait to hear about the inspection and try to find  a house.  Exciting but very stressful at the same time.

- I'm being induced on February 22nd!  Ash Wednesday! 

- We decided on a name for our son which will probably not be a surprise to anyone because most people are on facebook.  I knew it was the right name when Brian did a dance around the living room after he discovered it.  Caius  (Caius we just like and may call him Cai.  It means rejoice) and John (after both of our brothers plus we love the meaning "God is gracious or generous")

- We own a minivan.  We got one out of necessity in December and have been loving the extra space.  It is very surreal to own a minivan...I am definitely a grown up.

- I turned 33 years old last week.

- On January 19th we hit the one year mark of when we lost Ezekiel. 

- I have lot of pictures from Christmas still to post...I will do that eventually

We Remember

A little over 9 months ago we lost our baby boy Ezekiel.  It was the beginning of a time of suffering for us but also a huge time of growth.

I haven't taken much time to write about our deep pains in suffering or even the things that we have learned...I probably won't open up a ton in this post either...that is just not me...especially on the world wide web.

I have been thinking for awhile about this post however...remembering, or more specifically, teaching our children to remember.   It has been important for us to figure out how Ezekiel fits into our family.  I have read a lot from Molly Piper on how she has incorporated the loss of her daughter into the lives of her family.  We don't have any specific plans but we have just kept an ongoing conversation with our daughters about their brother who is with God.  We have had good talks with Ruby and have been so surprised at how much she actually gets the idea of remembering.

Several months ago Brian and I bought this tiny little charm for me to wear around my neck.  I got this idea from my friend Gretchen who bought herself a remembrance ring.  We had our wonderful friends at From The Vault make it specially for us.  It is a tsavorite garnet.   Ezekiel was born and died in January (garnet birthstone) but was due in May (emerald birthstone).  We really liked the green color of this garnet and felt like it brought January (death) and May (what should of been his time of birth) together.  This was our first tangible way of remembering Ezekiel.  It is small and delicate...most people don't even notice it.  That is how I wanted it though...just for me and my family (and whomever else I chose to tell) to look at and remember.  We explained this to Ruby when we bought the necklace...just something for us to look at and remember the precious life of Ezekiel.

 

Well, on September 11th Ruby and I were watching footage of the twin towers falling and of the new memorial in New York.  As any 4 year old would do she asked lots of questions.  I explained it all to her as simply as I could all the while not wanting to freak her out or make light of it all.  When they were showing the pictures of the memorial, specifically the pools where the towers had once been, she asked what they were.  I just told her that the buildings use to be there but now there were pools.  Her little 4 year old mind put it all together and asked me if it was for people to remember.

Photo Cred

The latest item that we have to remember our little one is this amazing picture that my dear friend Tessa painted for me (check out her Etsy shop called Little Kentucky).  About a month ago she surprised me with this picture of a mama bear holding this baby boy who was to represent Ezekiel.  I don't know if I have ever received a more thoughtful gift.  At this point we didn't have to spend much time talking to the Ruby about this picture and how it helps us to remember...she really is getting it.

 

Updates with no Pictures

Sorry folks, no pictures this time.  Just thought I would update ya'll with what we have been up to.

* Brian has been working very long hours on a project at work and we are looking forward soon to some normalcy.

* We have found a few moments to go to the beach, hang out with family, and head to the zoo and the science center.

* Telia is growing so big and talking up a storm.  She loves her sister (except after she first wakes up) and does and says whatever Ruby does and says. 

* Ruby has been taking dance this summer with 3 of her friends from Sojourn plus some other little girls who were in her class in the spring.  She really loves going and I like the time to sit and chat with other Mama's.

* Our house is still on the market...this is exhausting but we have had several showings and have recently gotten great feedback.

* We have become addicted to "Friday Night Lights" (check it out on Netflix)!  I could write a whole post about how much we love this show.  Tomorrow we will get the last disc and watch the last 2 episodes.

* We also started watching a BBC show called "The It Crowd" which is a super funny sitcom.  Watch it.

* Several of our close friends have had babies over the past few months and there are more to come.  We are somehow the "seasoned" parents now within our community group because we have an old 3 year old!

* It has been almost 6 months since we lost Ezekiel.  We are doing well and are so amazed at how good God is and how he continues to heal our pain.  We are different people than we were 6 months ago...only by the grace of our good and loving God.

Music to my ears

Tonight this little girl sang a sweet song to her sister that went something like this:

Don't cry, God is with us
But we don't see Him usually
If we love Jesus when we die we will see Him
And we will see Ezekiel and be best friends


Brought a smile to Brian and I

God Strengthens

The name Ezekiel means "God Strengthens"

We can see the truth of that in our day to day lives. It has been hard but we are only getting by with God's strength.

I didn't write much in my last post and I hope that didn't concern people. We are doing okay...not good or great or even fine...just okay right now. Some days are better than others and God has been healing our hearts little by little over the past couple of weeks.

We have been comforted so well by our Heavenly Father through His promises in scripture and through His people. Our family and friends have been so wonderful to us over the past 2.5 weeks...literally they have brought us meals (we have only cooked 1 meal since we came home from the hospital), cleaned our house; loved on our girls; sat with us; cried with us; babysat for us; prayed with us and for us; run errands for us; sent us flowers, cards, email and texts. One friend even went head to head with a "not nice" sales lady at the maternity store for me when she didn't want to take something back that I needed to return...that is a true friend. We are so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family.

So, please know that although we are grieving the loss of our child, we are daily getting strength from our good and merciful God.

For those of you who are praying for us, thank you and please continue to pray for us. Please pray specifically for our health this week. We have all been sick on and off since the 20th of January.

One week ago...

We buried our baby boy Ezekiel Brian Laffin. He was born at 23 weeks (on the 19th) but died in the womb from a cord accident.

I have been writing down thoughts that I may or may not want to share on this blog but today decided that I would simply let people know that we had to say goodbye to our son.

Christmas Morning

We spent Christmas morning at home with my parents. We read the Christmas story from the book of Luke and discovered the goodies in our stockings before Mamaw and Papaw Faith arrived.

We ate a delicious brunch (I'll post new recipes I tried on another day) with Mamaw and Papaw before opening gifts. Ruby is at an age where she really gets into the gifts and has lots of fun not only opening her own but helping everyone else. She was very happy with every gift she received and everything her sister got too.

Waiting for Mamaw and Papaw

Look at my new ornament!

Ezekiel Brian (that is our baby boys name) even got some gifts

Telia helping Mamaw open her gifts

Of course they had tons of fun playing in this big bag

My parents brought us one of their trees on Christmas Eve Eve (the 23rd) to put up while Ruby was asleep. It was so fun seeing her excitement when she woke up to a "booo-ti-ful tree with boo-ti-ful things on it" on Christmas Eve.

Thanks Mamaw and Papaw for the new table!

Got our dresses on and ready to go visit all the Faiths and Bentons for dinner.