A little over 9 months ago we lost our baby boy Ezekiel. It was the beginning of a time of suffering for us but also a huge time of growth.
I haven't taken much time to write about our deep pains in suffering or even the things that we have learned...I probably won't open up a ton in this post either...that is just not me...especially on the world wide web.
I have been thinking for awhile about this post however...remembering, or more specifically, teaching our children to remember. It has been important for us to figure out how Ezekiel fits into our family. I have read a lot from
Molly Piper on how she has incorporated the loss of her daughter into the lives of her family. We don't have any specific plans but we have just kept an ongoing conversation with our daughters about their brother who is with God. We have had good talks with Ruby and have been so surprised at how much she actually gets the idea of remembering.
Several months ago Brian and I bought this tiny little charm for me to wear around my neck. I got this idea from my friend Gretchen who bought herself a
remembrance ring. We had our wonderful friends at
From The Vault make it specially for us. It is a tsavorite garnet. Ezekiel was born and died in January (garnet birthstone) but was due in May (emerald birthstone). We really liked the green color of this garnet and felt like it brought January (death) and May (what should of been his time of birth) together. This was our first tangible way of remembering Ezekiel. It is small and delicate...most people don't even notice it. That is how I wanted it though...just for me and my family (and whomever else I chose to tell) to look at and remember. We explained this to Ruby when we bought the necklace...just something for us to look at and remember the precious life of Ezekiel.
Well, on September 11th Ruby and I were watching footage of the twin towers falling and of the new memorial in New York. As any 4 year old would do she asked lots of questions. I explained it all to her as simply as I could all the while not wanting to freak her out or make light of it all. When they were showing the pictures of the memorial, specifically the pools where the towers had once been, she asked what they were. I just told her that the buildings use to be there but now there were pools. Her little 4 year old mind put it all together and asked me if it was for people to remember.
The latest item that we have to remember our little one is this amazing picture that my dear friend Tessa painted for me (check out her Etsy shop called
Little Kentucky). About a month ago she surprised me with this picture of a mama bear holding this baby boy who was to represent Ezekiel. I don't know if I have ever received a more thoughtful gift. At this point we didn't have to spend much time talking to the Ruby about this picture and how it helps us to remember...she really is getting it.
